Friday, October 11, 2013

#onebigtruth



I recently have started going to these monthly meetings call " Moms and More" which is basically a Christian Women's club. My friend Rebecca invited me and did a gentle urging which I  appreciate because I really struggle with making commitments ...to basically anything, especially organized ,ongoing type things. I can't even commit to a hair appointment..  Those who know me personally know that this is not new. Anyway, I say all of that to say I am really enjoying it. The speakers/topics have been so inspiring and I have been meeting lots of new people.

So after my first meeting I had planned to blog about it, but never made the time. Then several of my " blog friends" went to some sort of conference and I could tell through all sorts of social media that they really got inspired and took some action to bring some real substance to the blog world and I have loved seeing that. You can see a sample of what I mean HERE. I love that they were taking their very influential roles/blogs and using that platform to inspire, uplift & lead their fellow women.  I love that all of us internet women who may not have tons of time to go to different bible studies or conferences in person,  can connect online and challenge one another in our walk. 

Courtney from Lil Iight O' mine has challenged us this week to admit our #onebigtruth.  That for me, is hard, and it is big. I can show pictures of my " leftovers" all day long and tell you how much I love to shop or how challenging my child is, but getting down deep in my soul and admitting things, and discussing spirituality is H.A.R.D. for me. ... and I am gonna do it anyway. So you can consider this one of those blogs that is long on words and short on pictures ( my least favorite kinds ha)

Our 1st Moms & More meeting was about teaching our children contentment. It was fascinating in so many ways, and I can cover those in another blog, but what happened in that meeting was God confronting my #onebigtruth. 
Ready for it?




I am terrified. Living in Fear. That something terrible will happen to my family. I can barely type that out without getting emotional.  The psychologist within will tell you that this stems from what happened with losing Erik's parents in a tragic car accident. That was in our 1st year of marriage, and has been a string of emotions over the years, but I never thought something like that would EVER happen, in real life, in MY life.. 
And when it did, then I started feeling like anything could happen.. any crazy random terrible accident. When I was pregnant with Fenn, that fear amplified, and really the happier I became, the more it snowballed..  because I just feel like things are too good to be true, .. something terrible must be just around the corner... I am always waiting on the other shoe to fall.. and it has robbed me of my peace.

I consider my life/self to always be a work in progress, and this year when I blogged about my goals I purposefully  left out this one,( of getting ahold of my fear), and just recently.. when I went to that moms and more meeting, I realized I had done nothing toward that goal, and that really,  it is kind of a sin that I am not trusting God, and that he knows what is best for my life and will take care of me/my family.

Part of this fear, is always picturing these horrible things happening. That week  of Moms and More, I had dreamed about Fenn getting sister out of her crib and dropping her on her head and that she was convulsing and dying and he was hiding in the corner behind a chair and when I found him, he told me what he had done and I was freaking out about sister,  trying to call 911 and worrying what he would feel when he was old enough to understand what he had done.. 
I mean y'all.... that is seriously the stuff that flooded my thoughts both awake and asleep.. scary, terrible, things and it was making me crazy.Tormenting.
That day at M&M the speaker talked about that EXACT thing happening in her own family, except her 3 year old was hiding behind a toilet and not a chair. ... (her baby survived the drop and all was fine after a short hospital stay) but it really got my attention, and she was telling that story to make the point that we can not control our lives and our children.  We can try, but HE is really the one in control. That is when I started praying(daily) to let go of that fear and to trust God to watch over my family.

I can not tell you the freedom in giving that to God, and enjoying my life without that constant nagging fear. and probably once I have posted this, that admitting it out loud to someone other than myself, I am sure will be freeing as well. I still get a tinge of freak out sometimes, like the other night when Sister was sleeping for 12+ hours, I could barely enjoy that because I was worried about WHY was she doing that.. was she breathing etc..  but now I recognize that as the devil creeping in and stealing my peace, and my faith in God to handle my life, and I work on pushing those thoughts aside immediately rather than entertaining them. 

Anyway, I will share more about her topic on teaching our children contentment soon because I loved all the wisdom she shared on things I have not given much thought to!  
Any one else wanna share their #onebigtruth? Link up with  Courtney Defeo or Erin at Blue Eyed Bride HERE



Psalm 37:3
3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Psalm 37:5-6(#10 of 40 Bible Verses About Trust and Trusting)
5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Psalm 56:3
3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.

Psalm 62:8
8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. 

6 comments:

mattheweubanks said...

Ms. G, you inspire me. Love and miss y'all so much. Planning a trip to Nashville soon. You are a phenomenal woman.

The Macons said...

Oh sweet Laura. I am sure you are fearing your happiness going away, and I think it is totally normal.. It's it being human, it is living with struggles and the nagging of the imperfect world we live in. I know you can overcome it, you are one of the strongest women I know! Keep doing what your'e doing, keep your head up high, and keep being happy!

Shannon Naftel said...

Laura, I know this was hard for you to put out there. You are helping so many other people because you are putting out there what most people are going through but don't ever say it because they think they are alone and somethings wring with them for even thinking that way. Thank you my little Soul Sister :)

Mrs. Mave said...

Always love reading your blogs, Laura! Great inspiration! Loves!!!

Catie said...

I struggle a lot with fear too. God is so good to always help me through if I trust Him.

Courtney DeFeo at Lil Light O' Mine said...

i'm so proud of you. i think this will resonate with so many women. you are never alone in your fear. thanks for linking up!

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